Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Bucket List

1. Visit friends across the country
2.  Brazil
3.  Europe ( Ireland, Scotland, England)
4. Ride a roller coaster
5. Get published
6. Go white water rafting
7. vacation
8. Build a tree house (not a little one... an actual house to live in.. in the trees)
9.   kayaking
10. Go back to Georgia and North Carolina
11.  learn to play guitar
12. finish my back tattoo
13.rock climbing
14. see the red woods
15.see a show at red rock
16. Hike the Appalachian Trail
17. Sit in a pub in Ireland and drink a Guinness
18. go back to school
19. See the Northern lights
20. have my own business
21.see the sunrise on Cadillac mountain
22. get my associates degree
23. sailing
24. deep sea fishing
25. make my own beer
26. run a marathon
27. snowmobiling, dirtbiking, 4 wheeling, snowboarding
28. See the living bridge in Cherrapunji
29. get my bachelors degree
30. get my masters degree
31.attend Bonaroo
32. go backpacking 
34. sing at an open mic in a bar in NY
35. Tibet and Nepal
36. Hike the Long Trail
37. Jump from a plane
38. Austin City Limits

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Just a reminder

 I needed a little reminder of this sort myself today and got it from a dear friend of mine... Thought I would pass it on.
Blessed Be~

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons,they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others,you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career,however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially,do not feign affection. Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline,be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations,in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham,drudgery and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© MaxEhrmann 1927

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Out of the ashes...

The bottom drops out. When those who you think will stand by your side through thick and thin, suddenly and without reason or warning withdraw from your life with extreme prejudice. What once was an irrevocable oath, a promise to be there, to be the port in the storm, the safe harbor, disintegrates into dust. The house that Jack built has been burned to the ground, along with memories and heroes. Laying amidst the ashes is something new. A new old feeling, hope. A phoenix in the darkest night, burning bright with the promise of a rebirth; of tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012


I always feel like a jerk when I pass a hitchhiker on the road and I don't stop to give them a ride. I say "hitchhiker" as if I don't stop for 'anyone'- but of course that's not true, I'm guilty of gender profiling, that's for sure. If it's a girl then I instantly stop and ask her if she needs a ride. What propels me to do this? I think in my head, I would feel horrible if she was picked up by some pervert who wanted to trade favors or worse what if she is abducted, raped and killed? -- dark and twisty, but that's the society we live in, such things are realistic possibilities.

Do I offer the same courtesy to a guy? Hell no! --- like I said... Guilty of gender profiling. I instantly assume he's got a gun or a knife and that he'll either high jack my car or hurt me. I feel bad about this but I have my children to think about. Even when they are not with me I am thinking about them.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Home is supposed ones sanctuary, a respite from the harsh realities of the outside world. What does one do when their respite from the outside world becomes just as harsh as the outside world?
Our families are supposed to support us emotionally, they are supposed to give us the benefit of doubt, believe in us and our potential. Our families are the ones we count on. What happens when we fall and they aren't there to catch us? What happens when they pass judgement on us quicker than a stranger?
What happens to make them remove their support when we need it the most? What happens to make our homes just a house?

Maybe just maybe nothing happens to change the dynamic, at least not on our part. Perhaps we are finally realizing an inequality that has always existed. Could it be we expected more from others because we would be willing to do that much fit them? We operated on an assumption that they would do as much for us?

On the other hand, maybe we did change the dynamic. Perhaps we ourselves changed through a personal catharsis and disrupted a balance others had known and depended on. What then? Being true to ourselves has inadvertently caused us to be untrue to others, how do we restore that balance? Can we?

Personal growth and being true to ourselves can come at a great cost to us but the cost of not growing and not being true to ourselves can be greater. Nothing in life comes without consequence.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

People come and go in our lives. Reasons, seasons and lifetimes. Lately I have been noticing this more. There comes a point in some relationships when you begin to just go through the motions. You are just being polite and forcing the conversations. There comes a point in relationships when the connections are tenuous at best. When is it time to let go? Do you try and reconnect and repair the connections? Do you cut the ties completely?Cultivating relationships is like taking care of a garden. Just like a garden, You need to give the relationships in your life, your love and affection and undivided attention. Outside forces can take root, encroaching and suffocating the bonds.

What then? Do you struggle to save something that is dying? Do you water it, give it more sun or shade?Or do you cut it and place it in a vase or hang it to dry and admire it for the beauty it once held for you? Do you walk away and leave it to wither and die alone without a backward glance?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Perfect Moments

What makes a perfect moment, a treasured moment? Is it getting married, having a child? Is a treasured perfect moment the one you plan for months and years in advance? I’ve said it before, but the biggest moments in life, the most meaningful ones are the ones you don’t see coming, the ones you don’t plan for, the little things.  A treasured moment to one may be inconsequential to another. What are the moments we hold dear? What do we value as a society, as a community, as an individual?
The best things in life, are perfect treasured, stolen moments, lasting memories: Cuddling under covers on a windy rainy day, tickle wars, roasting marshmallows and making smores; pillow forts, chocolate milk belly shakes and whip cream fights, catching frogs, dancing and singing out of tune. Puddle jumping, apple smashing, giggle fests. You can’t plan for these days. You can’t make them happen. The best moments in life are the raw, real spontaneous ones, the moments that grab you by the seat of your pants and pull you in, holding you tight.
 “The butterfly counts not months but moments and has time enough.” Rabindranath Tagore.
The important things in life are not who we know, how much money we have, what kind of car we drive or what kind of house we live in. We cannot forget who we are and who we are not. Moments are precious and few, if we concern ourselves with things outside of the moment, before we recognize the moment for the treasure that it was, it will be gone, like a dandelion seed on a windy summers day. To live life, we must not let life get in the way. The value of life cannot be measured by monetary and materialistic gain. The true value of life is measured in moments, emotions, and memories. The true currency of life is measured in smiles, laughs, frowns and tears.
How do you measure the value of your day? A great man once said, “now a days people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.” (Oscar Wilde)

Friday, March 30, 2012


I always look for the good in people. Always. It's something my Marmie taught me to do. I also look for the reasons and lessons for every experience. I do not believe in coincidences. I ride the wave. I am blessed to have many kindred spirits in my life. Nonetheless, the world, people, events, can and do overwhelm me. I take every thing in and sometimes I wish I didn't. Sometimes I wish I didn't know the meaning of empathy.

I usually see beauty, I'm usually optimistic.... but sometimes.. sometimes the ugliness of the world creeps in, sometimes the sadness and destructive patterns of those I love gets to be too much. I take it in, knowing there is nothing I can do but stand by and watch helplessly. Sometimes I wish I couldn't be there, sometimes I wish I could shut off the fact that I care.

Sunday, March 25, 2012


I'm lucky. "lucky to have been where I have been." (Jason Mraz) Every morning I wake up and it's a new day. A day filled with a thousand new experiences, new reasons to smile and laugh. I've got my health, my children, my family, great friends and music. I've got to be the luckiest girl out there. I'm thankful for each individual that comes into my life. A reason, a season, a lifetime, I'm thankful for them all.

Jason: You are my big brother and I love and respect you greatly. Probably more than you will ever know and  more than I can ever express. You have always been my role model and I think you are an amazing person. I am proud to call you my brother and my friend. I wish we lived closer so that I could see you more often. You have a beautiful soul. You are kind and sensitive, you adapt and persevere. You are strong willed and intelligent ( I always get a little kerfuffled talking to you because I try to convey my points as eloquently and usually fail.. ) You are creative and charismatic.   I love you Brothola. 

Angie: My strong beautiful older sister. You don't even recognize your own strength and that amuses me. You are an amazing person and a spectacular mother. You may have moments in your life when you feel weak, but you never run, you are courageous, you face the situations life presents you head on. I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you. You are strong willed and opinionated, intelligent and kind, sarcastic and witty. I am so very glad that past life events have brought us together. I am thankful for Bill and Gloria. Without them, there would be no you. Take the time to celebrate yourself and your achievements. Give yourself the credit you deserve! I love you sistola!

Fred: Without you I would have never had the honor of being in your beautiful daughter's life. Without you, I would have never had the two wonderful children you have blessed me with. You have a gruff exterior, but a kind soul. You go out of your way to help those you love but never want credit for your deeds. You have a unique way of looking at life. We may not always see eye to eye, but you will always be family. Thank you for our children.

Ruth: You are one of oldest friends. We've been each others sounding boards for over a decade. You've sat with me in silence when I didn't want to talk, made me laugh till I cried, been my dose of insanity and reality when I needed it. You became my sister. We've had our fall outs but that's to be expected with two very opinionated women. I'd rather fight with you than sit in silence. You add so much to my life, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Ben: You and I have known each other since diapers. I couldn't ask for a better friend. Who else can I call when I need help burying a dog? I love your sense of adventure, taste in music, beer and your sense of humor. Not to mention you're a little crunchy. You and I learned the hard way how important communication can be, but we persevered. I'm glad you're in my life and look forward to years of bonfires and beers and canoe trips.

Wintle: You've got my heart lady. I love your quirky quick witted sense of humor and your big heart. I'm glad to call you a friend and sister. The best part of McAuley was meeting my Golden Girls. I can't wait till you are home again. I miss you, we've still got years to make up for. You are tried and true and I wouldn't change anything about you. I can't wait to play guitar with you either!!! :)

James: You came into my life when I needed a friend the most and didn't even realize it. You reminded me to maintain objectivity and helped me to re-evaluate things. You reminded what it was like to truly live instead of going through motions. Because of you I'm awake again and not sleep walking. I'll forever be grateful for your influence and role in my life.

Jenny: You are my spunky little sister and I will always love you. I will always have your back no matter what. You've got a judgement free zone with me. You came into my life years ago when I needed a kindred spirit to see me through a dark time. You held my hand and gave me strength when I needed it most. You are a blessing. There isn't a day that you, Danny and Jonathan aren't on my mind. I miss my jersey Carolina Brazilian Mainer. Eu Te Amo.

Gracie: You keep me young, your creativity is refreshing and has reminded me of my own. You are incredibly talented and artistic.Don't lose that verve. You've got  a beautiful lust for life and don't ever let ANYONE take that from you. You have a kind heart and I'm lucky to know you.

Nichole: cupcake... you.. are a kindred spirit, through and through. We can talk to each other about anything and quite often keep each other in check and grounded. Seeing someone for who THEY really are is a rarity and I know you see me and I see you. Furthermore, you accept me for who I am, twisted dark secrets, pipe dreams, faults and all. It has been an honor getting to know you over the past 5 months and I hope to have many more years with you in my life.

Aaron: You make me laugh till my face hurts, you will never be my 'token liberal'. I love the way your mind works and I love the way you view the world. You are a kind, compassionate and gentle soul. I'd say you learned an important life lesson from Gilligan indeed, you do what's right whether it's hard or not, you persevere and stay un-jaded by life. Thank you for giving me back the music. Thank you for being such an amazing friend and source of amusement. You truly are a kindred spirit. I enjoy our conversations a great deal. You have touched the lives of many by sharing your experience and knowledge, you give thoughtlessly of yourself to others. I have an immense respect for you and I'm honored to have you in my life. I am truly grateful for you.

I am blessed to have had such wonderful souls in my life and I am honored to call you my friends and my family. You have all been influential in my life and added a great deal to it. You have all been there for me in your own way when I needed you and I can only hope that I have done the same for you in your life, if I haven't I sincerely hope this life affords me the opportunity to do so.  I am honored to call you my friends and can truly say my life would not be the same without you all in it. I have been given memories to last me a life time and I am grateful for each and every one of you. I hope I can count myself lucky enough to have you all around for a lifetime and not just a season.Life is too short to let a single day go by and not tell the people you care about how you feel for them and I want you all to know how much I appreciate you.

"May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live."

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The BEGINNING of another rant....

I told a friend the other day that I could walk away from every worldly possession that I had and not look back or feel regret-- with the exception of photographs. I may be a techno junkie with a laptop, a kindle, and an iphone, but if I could and would give it all up. I find that I have become complacent and that bothers me.

We are complacent. We are apathetic. Complacency and apathy are deadly to us. We are focusing solely on our personal gain and consumption of everything this earth has to offer us and not giving enough back. We hear the warnings from ecologists, environmentalists and scientists, but they are only words ad they have yet to add up to a change.

I hear excuses all too frequently " what difference can one person make?" or " I would recycle but I don't have time" or my favorite " there is no such thing as global warming"

Every economist will argue that for every action, every choice there is an opportunity cost. There is something of value that a person is sacrificing when they make that choice. For example, when I choose to go to the gym, I choose to give up my free time I have to practice guitar and that practice time has a value for me, so the opportunity to go to the gym comes at a cost to me.

The same principle of economics can be applied to the environment. Imagine the opportunity cost for every piece of liter, every wasted resource and every bit of pollution and tell me again that there is no such thing as global warming. What do you think the opportunity cost of hunting exotic animals is? Endangered and extinct species.

Yet again the same can be applied to ourselves, to our lifestyles, our bodies and our habits whether good or bad.